Flash, er, I mean Thor, saves the universe.
29 November 2013
28 August 2013
Oblivion
Moon + Coma + The Matrix + The Borg + Terminator and the Hal 9000 thrown in for good measure.
Tom Cruise being every action hero he's been, except not Minority Report. This movie builds over the first hour and 12 minutes, desolate scenery, character building, world building, and you think, "Wow, this is gonna be amazing", and then it's not. I'm a big fan of sci-fi and action and I am more than willing to forgive giant holes and nods to other movies and actors phoning it in, but this was such a direct rip off of Moon with Time Machine and The Matrix jumbled in that it actually pissed me off. The last 45 minutes of the movie was a big rush to blow things up and then they pulled one of those M. Night "surprise!" deux ex machina dick moves and I ended up screaming at the screen and cursing the director, who as it happens, was also the writer, go figure. Seriously, this could have been a great sci-fi movie even with the ripping off of the other movies, but Hollywood needs to stop giving these guys carte blanche and they need to start putting money into training editors who edit scripts and the film itself. They need to stop letting these guys operate in either the vacuum or the echo chamber. It's like the author's of successful series who decide that they don't need an editor any more for publishing and every precious word or idea is a perfect flower. It's not. It's ego. And they need to check it at the gate and give us good writing again.
Tom Cruise being every action hero he's been, except not Minority Report. This movie builds over the first hour and 12 minutes, desolate scenery, character building, world building, and you think, "Wow, this is gonna be amazing", and then it's not. I'm a big fan of sci-fi and action and I am more than willing to forgive giant holes and nods to other movies and actors phoning it in, but this was such a direct rip off of Moon with Time Machine and The Matrix jumbled in that it actually pissed me off. The last 45 minutes of the movie was a big rush to blow things up and then they pulled one of those M. Night "surprise!" deux ex machina dick moves and I ended up screaming at the screen and cursing the director, who as it happens, was also the writer, go figure. Seriously, this could have been a great sci-fi movie even with the ripping off of the other movies, but Hollywood needs to stop giving these guys carte blanche and they need to start putting money into training editors who edit scripts and the film itself. They need to stop letting these guys operate in either the vacuum or the echo chamber. It's like the author's of successful series who decide that they don't need an editor any more for publishing and every precious word or idea is a perfect flower. It's not. It's ego. And they need to check it at the gate and give us good writing again.
21 August 2013
Blood Clan (Rabies or "Kalevet")
Their makeup artists aren't afraid of bone fragments.
Fear.net offering.
Israeli horror flick. Subtitles. Some krav maga. All the women have blue eyes...
19 August 2013
Chained
D'onofrio's Men in Black character drives a cab as cover for his secret life.
So, he and the director wanted to call this movie "Rabbit" which would have been a much better title. It built up and up and up and then it just stops. They ran out of money. So I was all into it being an 8 out of 10, but then it was a 6. Bummer. It coulda been a contender.
So, he and the director wanted to call this movie "Rabbit" which would have been a much better title. It built up and up and up and then it just stops. They ran out of money. So I was all into it being an 8 out of 10, but then it was a 6. Bummer. It coulda been a contender.
18 August 2013
Innocent Blood
French Vampire decides that the mob is wasting blood.
Set in Pittsburgh, uses all our favorites from every mob movie, including a few you wouldn't expect like Don Rickles. John Landis directed so you know there is comic relief.
Set in Pittsburgh, uses all our favorites from every mob movie, including a few you wouldn't expect like Don Rickles. John Landis directed so you know there is comic relief.
Byzantium
Secret vampire society, no girls allowed.
Retelling, can walk in daylight, no sparkles, everyone out to get them, etc.
Lovely costumes during the back story bits, bleak scenery of winter in the English seaside, love, loss, greed, redemption. I thought the ending a little too pat, as though they had an alternate but those crazy Americans in the test audience wanted a happy finish. Saoirse Ronin was amazing as usual. And I could watch Gemma Arterton in anything.
Retelling, can walk in daylight, no sparkles, everyone out to get them, etc.
Lovely costumes during the back story bits, bleak scenery of winter in the English seaside, love, loss, greed, redemption. I thought the ending a little too pat, as though they had an alternate but those crazy Americans in the test audience wanted a happy finish. Saoirse Ronin was amazing as usual. And I could watch Gemma Arterton in anything.
Europa Report
Ignoring people's paranoia gets everyone killed.
Well done science. NASA was a consultant and they used actual footage and it was beautiful and amazing and scary. Interesting premise, good cast, fantastic photography. There were holes in the plot/story, but there always are in movies. I want to watch this again.
Blood and Donuts
Vampire walks into a Donut Shop...
Typical 1980s camp. Big hair, mullets, heavy guitar riffs, 88 minute music video feel. Vampire tired of it all. The usual angst.
Typical 1980s camp. Big hair, mullets, heavy guitar riffs, 88 minute music video feel. Vampire tired of it all. The usual angst.
13 April 2013
Belle and the Beast
I don't even have a blurb for you because I thought I'd be watching the usual Hallmark channel fluff but it turned out to be "A Christian Romance" complete with dry alcoholic and a 30 year old in a bad wig playing the over 60s housekeeper.
It was free on Amazon Prime. Feh.
It was free on Amazon Prime. Feh.
11 April 2013
P.S. I Love You
Poor man's Julia Roberts surrounded by fake Irish accents.
or
To Gillian on her 37th Birthday remake with roles reversed
This could have been a cute little tear-jerker flick but there is absolutely NO chemistry between Swank and any of the cast except Bates who plays her mom. This is coming from someone who likes bad romantic dramedies. I actually turned is off halfway thru because facebook was more entertaining.
or
To Gillian on her 37th Birthday remake with roles reversed
This could have been a cute little tear-jerker flick but there is absolutely NO chemistry between Swank and any of the cast except Bates who plays her mom. This is coming from someone who likes bad romantic dramedies. I actually turned is off halfway thru because facebook was more entertaining.
05 April 2013
John Carter
Too much CGI
or
actors talking to air
I'm all for sci-fi CGI in moderation, it's great to show vast spaces (though Hollywood used to paint amazing vistas and background using painters and set designers...) and things flying and to make monsters look massive, etc, but when it replaces people, so that the actors in the film are talking to air, when the actors aren't getting the feedback of the give and take of saying lines to another person, it is noticeable. The nuances of body language, inflections and tone get lost and make for a wooden film. The actual live sequences between real actors like Carter and the Princess are full of life, but when they turn to talk to the CGI, their eyes don't match up, their gestures are stilted, and their timing is off.
These are things that viewers notice mostly on an unconscious level, they may not realize that is why they aren't liking the movie. It's not that the acting is bad, per se, but that the CGI is.
or
actors talking to air
I'm all for sci-fi CGI in moderation, it's great to show vast spaces (though Hollywood used to paint amazing vistas and background using painters and set designers...) and things flying and to make monsters look massive, etc, but when it replaces people, so that the actors in the film are talking to air, when the actors aren't getting the feedback of the give and take of saying lines to another person, it is noticeable. The nuances of body language, inflections and tone get lost and make for a wooden film. The actual live sequences between real actors like Carter and the Princess are full of life, but when they turn to talk to the CGI, their eyes don't match up, their gestures are stilted, and their timing is off.
These are things that viewers notice mostly on an unconscious level, they may not realize that is why they aren't liking the movie. It's not that the acting is bad, per se, but that the CGI is.
02 April 2013
22 March 2013
Constantine
Guilt. It keeps the demons at bay,
I should probably read the graphic novel at some point. I watch this movie every time it's on. Good and evil, forgiveness, things you think you see out of the corner of your eye, loaded with religious paraphenalia and symbolism and, of course, Rachel Weisz.
,,,
Big Trouble in Little China
Noodle Western with all your favorite B-listers.
or
Movies that VHS turned into cults classics
....
or
Movies that VHS turned into cults classics
....
21 March 2013
Hodejegerne (Headhunters)
Little movie from Norway about motivations and miscommunications...
It's convoluted and fun and you won't mind the subtitles.
.....
13 March 2013
Hard Times
What happens in a small Irish village, stays in the village and then gets exploited for tourism.
or
How many euphemisms for sex and naughty bits can you come up with?
or
How many euphemisms for sex and naughty bits can you come up with?
12 March 2013
Jack and Jill
Sandler makes fun of Tyler Perry
or
The self-depricating side of Al Pacino
This movie gets a really bad rap. As a stand alone, it's bad, Sandler and David Spade cross-dressing, Pacino slumming, tired tropes about twins, etc. BUT, if you look at it as a parody of all the twin movies and the lead as two characters etc, then it's actually pretty wicked.
He has Al Pacino making fun of himself and doing a singing and dancing Dunkin Donuts commercial! He has cameos of most of the SNL cast from decades past as well as Drew Carey, Christie Brinkley, Johnny Depp, Bruce Jenner, John McEnroe, and Shaq.
His premise is the relative who visits and never leaves, but it's also about how you have to own your past and acknowledge it and move forward from it, because nothing stays buried alive. It's also about being honest with yourself and being honest with those around you and allowing them to be honest with you. Acceptance. Love. You don't have to like their behavior, or agree with their choices.
He's also poking fun at the usual crap coming out of Hollywood like 13 going on 30 and Big Momma's House and all the tired cliche ridden crap sequels that get made.
As usual, his humor is harsh at times and has that nasty 5 boroughs sharp hurtful one-liner hatred of all things unpopular, but really, isn't Sandler saying things you thought for a fleeting second and shoved away because it wasn't a "nice" thought?
or
The self-depricating side of Al Pacino
This movie gets a really bad rap. As a stand alone, it's bad, Sandler and David Spade cross-dressing, Pacino slumming, tired tropes about twins, etc. BUT, if you look at it as a parody of all the twin movies and the lead as two characters etc, then it's actually pretty wicked.
He has Al Pacino making fun of himself and doing a singing and dancing Dunkin Donuts commercial! He has cameos of most of the SNL cast from decades past as well as Drew Carey, Christie Brinkley, Johnny Depp, Bruce Jenner, John McEnroe, and Shaq.
His premise is the relative who visits and never leaves, but it's also about how you have to own your past and acknowledge it and move forward from it, because nothing stays buried alive. It's also about being honest with yourself and being honest with those around you and allowing them to be honest with you. Acceptance. Love. You don't have to like their behavior, or agree with their choices.
He's also poking fun at the usual crap coming out of Hollywood like 13 going on 30 and Big Momma's House and all the tired cliche ridden crap sequels that get made.
As usual, his humor is harsh at times and has that nasty 5 boroughs sharp hurtful one-liner hatred of all things unpopular, but really, isn't Sandler saying things you thought for a fleeting second and shoved away because it wasn't a "nice" thought?
The Wedding Singer
Gen X ten years later.
or
"Singles" in New Jersey
(One of my favorite Sandler movies)
or
"Singles" in New Jersey
(One of my favorite Sandler movies)
04 March 2013
Sinister
Ethan Hawke playing himself letting his demons ruin another marriage.
or
Idea from a dinner napkin, never fleshed out...
or
Idea from a dinner napkin, never fleshed out...
27 February 2013
John Voight
Last night, Phil and I are under the weather, I make chicken cutlets and penne in vodka sauce and we settle under blankets with dinner and a movie. Dinner is getting cold as he flips through the Comcast on demand list and I say "Pick anything!"
So we end up paying $4.99 to watch Pride and Glory.
When it's over, I look at him and say "That's it. From this moment forward, no more movies that have John Voight with billing higher than cameo."
Phil asks why.
"Because anything with him in it is usually bad or mediocre, and if it's a free movie, mediocre is fine, but I'm not paying for his performances anymore."
"That seems a little extreme."
"Name three good movies he's been in since 1990."
He couldn't.
So we end up paying $4.99 to watch Pride and Glory.
When it's over, I look at him and say "That's it. From this moment forward, no more movies that have John Voight with billing higher than cameo."
Phil asks why.
"Because anything with him in it is usually bad or mediocre, and if it's a free movie, mediocre is fine, but I'm not paying for his performances anymore."
"That seems a little extreme."
"Name three good movies he's been in since 1990."
He couldn't.
22 February 2013
Dredd
Un-campified future cop movie. Kept waiting for Stallone, Bullock, or Snipes to show up. except that was "Demolition Man" so I was very confused. Then I forgot and enjoyed the movie.
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