Byzantium

Secret vampire society, no girls allowed.





Retelling, can walk in daylight, no sparkles, everyone out to get them, etc.
Lovely costumes during the back story bits, bleak scenery of winter in the English seaside, love, loss, greed, redemption.  I thought the ending a little too pat, as though they had an alternate but those crazy Americans in the test audience wanted a happy finish.   Saoirse Ronin was amazing as usual.  And I could watch Gemma Arterton in anything.

Europa Report

Ignoring people's paranoia gets everyone killed.

Well done science.  NASA was a consultant and they used actual footage and it was beautiful and amazing and scary.  Interesting premise, good cast, fantastic photography. There were holes in the plot/story, but there always are in movies.  I want to watch this again.

Blood and Donuts

Vampire walks into a Donut Shop...







Typical 1980s camp.  Big hair, mullets, heavy guitar riffs, 88 minute music video feel.  Vampire tired of it all.  The usual angst.

Belle and the Beast

I don't even have a blurb for you because I thought I'd be watching the usual Hallmark channel fluff but it turned out to be "A Christian Romance"  complete with dry alcoholic and a 30 year old in a bad wig playing the over 60s housekeeper.
It was free on Amazon Prime.  Feh.

P.S. I Love You

Poor man's Julia Roberts surrounded by fake Irish accents.


or


To Gillian on her 37th Birthday remake with roles reversed








This could have been a cute little tear-jerker flick but there is absolutely NO chemistry between Swank and any of the cast except Bates who plays her mom.  This is coming from someone who likes bad romantic dramedies.  I actually turned is off halfway thru because facebook was more entertaining.

John Carter

Too much CGI


or


actors talking to air




I'm all for sci-fi CGI in moderation,  it's great to show vast spaces (though Hollywood used to paint amazing vistas and background using painters and set designers...) and things flying and to make monsters look massive, etc, but when it replaces people, so that the actors in the film are talking to air, when the actors aren't getting the feedback of the give and take of saying lines to another person, it is noticeable.   The nuances of body language, inflections and tone get lost and make for a wooden film.  The actual live sequences between real actors like Carter and the Princess are full of life, but when they turn to talk to the CGI, their eyes don't match up, their gestures are stilted, and their timing is off.
These are things that viewers notice mostly on an unconscious level, they may not realize that is why they aren't liking the movie.  It's not that the acting is bad, per se, but that the CGI is.

Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

If you risk nothing, you have nothing.


or

Outsourcing the elderly

Constantine

Guilt.  It keeps the demons at bay,

I should probably read the graphic novel at some point.  I watch this movie every time it's on.  Good and evil, forgiveness, things you think you see out of the corner of your eye, loaded with religious paraphenalia and symbolism and, of course, Rachel Weisz.

,,,

Big Trouble in Little China

Noodle Western with all your favorite B-listers.

or

Movies that VHS turned into cults classics





....

Hodejegerne (Headhunters)

Little movie from Norway about motivations and miscommunications...

It's convoluted and fun and you won't mind the subtitles.

.....

Hard Times

What happens in a small Irish village, stays in the village and then gets exploited for tourism.

or

How many euphemisms for sex and naughty bits can you come up with?

Half Light

Demi going crazy in Maine.


Or

Be paranoid because they are always after your money.

Jack and Jill

Sandler makes fun of Tyler Perry


or


The self-depricating side of Al Pacino






This movie gets a really bad rap.  As a stand alone, it's bad, Sandler and David Spade cross-dressing, Pacino slumming, tired tropes about twins, etc.  BUT, if you look at it as a parody of all the twin movies and the lead as two characters etc, then it's actually pretty wicked.
He has Al Pacino making fun of himself and doing a singing and dancing Dunkin Donuts commercial!  He has cameos of most of the SNL cast from decades past as well as Drew Carey, Christie Brinkley, Johnny Depp, Bruce Jenner, John McEnroe, and Shaq.
His premise is the relative who visits and never leaves, but it's also about how you have to own your past and acknowledge it and move forward from it, because nothing stays buried alive.  It's also about being honest with yourself and being honest with those around you and allowing them to be honest with you.  Acceptance.  Love.  You don't have to like their behavior, or agree with their choices.
He's also poking fun at the usual crap coming out of Hollywood like 13 going on 30 and Big Momma's House and all the tired cliche ridden crap sequels that get made.
As usual, his humor is harsh at times and has that nasty 5 boroughs sharp hurtful one-liner hatred of all things unpopular, but really, isn't Sandler saying things you thought for a fleeting second and shoved away because it wasn't a "nice" thought?

The Wedding Singer

Gen X ten years later.


or


"Singles" in New Jersey








(One of my favorite Sandler movies)

Sinister

Ethan Hawke playing himself letting his demons ruin another marriage.


or


Idea from a dinner napkin, never fleshed out...